So we are just coming off a really tough week. A week where at times I wasn’t sure if I could cope. There was a feeling of hopelessness which scared me. My little ladies are now over five months old and my son is 21 months. All four are incredible, thriving, cheeky monkeys. However, it is winter and along with the grey skies, we have suffered with continuous sickness. This seems to be the running theme in my life at the moment. Every evening from about 4pm the crying or tantrums will start. Could be all four or just one but that ringing in your ear every night is not easy to endure. It eventually ends when all settle at about 10pm but could go on for hours after that. For over 20 weeks there has been some sort of cough, cold, chest infection to contend with. I feel like all I do is complain and I’m bored with it. I would say I am a positive person and just get on with things – but this week it got to me.Being depressed or feeling low is not something I am usually and it scares me when it happens. Thankfully I am able to get myself out of it. But I feel for those who can’t. My exasperation can be fixed and my days can get better. A day of no rain or simple routine and I can bounce back. I think my optimism can get me through but this was one tough week! Everyone says enjoy it when they’re little however I can’t help but wish I could fast forward some of it.
Then on Saturday it was all put into perspective when my little boy nearly drowned. We had gone to the park to feed the ducks. Red was in his buggy, strapped in and feeding the ducks (and himself) with bits of bread. I turned to look out into the water for a split second and by the time I turned around all I could see were the wheels of the buggy. He had toppled into the water. I jumped in to get him out and because he was strapped in, he was trapped underneath. The buggy has a fleece cover to keep him warm and this along with the whole buggy got sodden in water which meant I couldn’t lift it. I managed to turn the buggy sideways so he could breath and all I saw was a pair of hands reach in to lift him out. The water was about 3 feet deep so he had been completely underwater. At the time autopilot kicked in – get him out, strip him down and wrap him up. Get him home! That night I just kept replaying it over and over. What if?………. No can’t even go there!
Thats when I realised that this too shall pass. It will get easier. They will put the heart across me on a regular basis. All I need is a smile, a giggle to make me realise that I am blessed and thankfully I get loads of those.
I now have a totally new perspective on holiday season and see it all in a new light. I also have a new appreciation for January – who would have thought that a month that sees such depression numbers rocket could give me such joy! But Christmas this year was unique and certainly not comparable to my normal flurry of joy. I normally have my house decorated to an inch of its life, have cranberry sauce bubbling on the stove, bows and wrapping paper everywhere, the biggest Christmas tree I can find and to do lists galore. This year I had triplets.
When juggling four children military timing is key. Once you keep everything on a tight timeline, everyone is happy. Deviate from this and it can tumble into chaos quite easily. I knew the holidays was going to be a challenge. Creche was closing, my minder was going home to her family and my own family were skipping off to the sun. I had arranged a patchwork of help that was slightly fractured but very possible. Unfortunately, I didn’t factor in a sick baby in hospital.
Isn’t it always the case, one thing goes wrong then everything goes wrong! Its all a bit of a blur now but those two weeks were hell. Poor little Abigail was in hospital with a bad dose of RSV Bronchilitis. This has been a bad year for sick babies and Ireland’s wet, damp weather has not helped. All my girls have had RSV and unfortunately it won’t go until winter passes and they are a bit stronger. I have been in and out of doctors for weeks now and pretty much know all the signs. Three things to watch out for:
- How is their breathing? Are they panting? When you look at them – does it look like they are using their rib cage to breath?
- Are they feeding? Can they keep a feed down? If vomiting, they can get dehydrated pretty quickly.
- Do they have a temperature? When very small this can be quite serious and usually means they are trying to fight something.
So January is here and I have never jumped out of bed with such a spring in my step. 2016 is full of promise. The girls are just going to keep getting stronger and brighter every day (and maybe learn to sleep through the night!!!). My little boy is full of wonder and vigor for life. And I am reaching a very big milestone number this year- 40!! So yes it wasn’t the best Christmas in the traditional sense but wow – look where I am now. Mum of four great kids who keep me on my toes and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Roll on 2016!
This month is all about sleep and stretching the night sleep. The girls are doing fantastic so far and all the hard work is paying off. It definitely pays to keep day as day! In other words, our house is not a silent place during the day, the girls get play time on their mat, change of outfit and nap in their bouncers. I keep the cot for night sleep and have started diming lights from about 7.30pm to get the idea across that its sleep time. We have a feeding frenzy every evening which is exausting and they can be very cranky. However, once down, they get a dream feed at 11ish and sleep till 5.30/6am. In the longterm this will be well worth it……
There is nothing more magical than a baby scan. And when you have three babies growing inside you it makes it triple the fun! Three perfect little hearts beating away and three perfect little bodies kicking away. I’m nearly 11 weeks pregnant with my triplets and even though it’s early, I can already feel them moving. It’s like little pops in my lower tummy. I asked the doctor it this is possible – appearantly yes because I have already been pregnant.
Thank god for the joy of a baby scan to keep you going! As this week I have really needed something to keep me going. It can get a bit overwhelming at times. The unbelievable tiredness, constant sea sickness and sleepless nights. On top of that the guilt that I can’t spend energetic time with my little son. He needs lots of activity and I’m like a mopey teenager lounging on the couch! I hate guilt – I know it’s a mothers curse and no matter what will be I will always want to do better for my children.
At least I know this is only temporary, 20 weeks to go – nothing in a lifetime!
My mother bears the brunt of my moans and even though she says I’m doing great, I can’t help but think it must be torture listening to me!
A couple of weeks ago my family decided that I was a problem to fix and the solution – sell my house! Now that’s stress! Trying to move, start a new job, be a single parent AND be pregnant with triplets!!!! Needless to say I decided to put a hault on it. Although they are absolutely right – a move is very necessary for many reasons not just space but financially (live in an old house – bit of a money pit). I can’t do everything. I know I’m sometimes Wonder Woman but now is not the time! Unfortunately, this was taken up as I just needed another push! So next minute the property man was at my door telling me the sign is ready to go up! So I did what any strong independent woman would do – I called my mum!!!
So babies are thriving, work is going great and Red is just amazing. He said choo choo today – Mensa child!!!!! Enough to be very grateful for! No more about the moans (for the moment).
Well I definitely need a couple of happy pills! The sun is shining and its a glorious day but i can’t seem to shift the tiredness and sickness. Triplets is definitely not an easy pregnancy. I am now nearly 9 weeks and completely shattered. Its like being knocked over with the hammer. I just want to crawl back into bed.
Anyway, as the title says – tired and grumpy! I also seem to be in a continuous state of guilt. My poor baby son is being kept in creche so that i can get on with things but really i should have him in the park playing! Starting a 3 month contract next week so trying to get meals made for my son. The least I can do is give him a home cooked meal. But i find that unless its in the freezer it won’t happen. So tupperware is at the ready and the pots are simmering.
On a positive note – the babies are doing great. They were concerned that the identical twins did not have individual membranes but the scan showed them yesterday. So delighted that there will be no concern of cord tangling. Still need to watch out for twin to twin syndrome but that doesn’t seem to be as serious.
Still find it mad seeing three little babies on the screen during the scans but what a miracle!