So we are just coming off a really tough week.  A week where at times I wasn’t sure if I could cope.  There was a feeling of hopelessness which scared me.  My little ladies are now over five months old and my son is 21 months.  All four are incredible, thriving, cheeky monkeys.  However, it is winter and along with the grey skies, we have suffered with continuous sickness.  This seems to be the running theme in my life at the moment.  Every evening from about 4pm the crying or tantrums will start.  Could be all four or just one but that ringing in your ear every night is not easy to endure.  It eventually ends when all settle at about 10pm but could go on for hours after that. For over 20 weeks there has been some sort of cough, cold, chest infection to contend with. I feel like all I do is complain and I’m bored with it.  I would say I am a positive person and just get on with things – but this week it got to me.Being depressed or feeling low is not something I am usually and it scares me when it happens.  Thankfully I am able to get myself out of it. But I feel for those who can’t.  My exasperation can be fixed and my days can get better.  A day of no rain or simple routine and I can bounce back.  I think my optimism can get me through but this was one tough week!  Everyone says enjoy it when they’re little however I can’t help but wish I could fast forward some of it.

Then on Saturday it was all put into perspective when my little boy nearly drowned.  We had gone to the park to feed the ducks.  Red was in his buggy, strapped in and feeding the ducks (and himself) with bits of bread.  I turned to look out into the water for a split second and by the time I turned around all I could see were the wheels of the buggy.  He had toppled into the water.  I jumped in to get him out and because he was strapped in, he was trapped underneath.  The buggy has a fleece cover to keep him warm and this along with the whole buggy got sodden in water which meant I couldn’t lift it.  I managed to turn the buggy sideways so he could breath and all I saw was a pair of hands reach in to lift him out.  The water was about 3 feet deep so he had been completely underwater.  At the time autopilot kicked in – get him out, strip him down and wrap him up.  Get him home!  That night I just kept replaying it over and over.  What if?………. No can’t even go there!

Thats when I realised that this too shall pass.  It will get easier.  They will put the heart across me on a regular basis.  All I need is a smile, a giggle to make me realise that I am blessed and thankfully I get loads of those.