All it takes is a split second!

It is the week before Christmas and everyone in this house is getting very excited. It’s the first year that all four can enjoy and absorb all the festivities and build up. They don’t quite understand Christmas ‘day’ but for them it’s a month long celebration of lights, songs, parties, Santa etc… This frenzy of excitement has meant our daily routine has gone slightly. Daytime snoozes were never great in my house and this time of year isn’t helping.

My girls share a room and as a result nap time tends to become a bit of a party. The sound of singing and chats streams down the stairs while they’re supposed to be having ‘quiet time’. I am not giving up though – they’re only 2 years old so still need sleep and some days it happens.

Anyway, at the moment there’s too many distractions. As a result they are tired by the end of the day and devilment kicks in. Of course, by now I should know this and should learn! Seems I forget easily these days. So on Monday, for our afternoon activity, I thought a trip to our local shopping center to get shoes for everyone would be a great idea. Under normal circumstances, when everyone’s slept well and it’s not Christmas shopping madness, this could work. However, that’s not how it played out….. the girls saw this as a great opportunity to play chase and show mummy how fast they can run through crowds. While opening the car door in the very busy car park one of my girls bolted just as a car was headed our direction. Obviously the chances of this happening with one of the four is high but I never believed it could happen. My minder was with me and we were both on high alert but even with that she ran. All it takes is one split second and your life could change forever. In this case my daughter lives to tell the tale but how easily it could have gone so so differently.

After the initial shock we all got, it was absolutely gratitude that I felt. Here we are another year is closing and I am blessed with four perfect, healthy children. Each is full of their personality, creativity and curiosity.

I thought I’d end this post with a picture of all of us meeting Santa. I love this picture. It’s not perfect and certainly doesn’t paint everyone in a great light but it does show all of us in our individual glory.

Merry Christmas!!

Guilty and struggling

  So many times throughout the last ten weeks people have said – you’re doing such an amazing job!, you’re superwoman or wow I don’t know how you do it!  Generally, I am grateful for the lovely compliments and proud of the fact the I have made it this far and everyone is healthy and for the most part happy.  But this week it was tested.

I have had 3 weeks of sick babies and a toddler who needs my attention.  Thats when it wears me down.  Now, I am a very capable person with a good head on my shoulders.  In my work life I have managed many pressures and extreme stresses but nothing prepares for when it all starts getting too much in the home!  I have four dependents who weren’t here two years ago and that can bring a lot of pressure.  There have been times when I wonder am I suffering from post natal depression? And then feel guilty for even thinking that when so many others have a real diagnosis. Why don’t I have the same elation I did with my first pregnancy?  And then guilty for thinking I don’t have the same bond with each girl.  Am I spending enough time with each?  And then guilty for spending too much time with one and not another.  Guilty, guilty, guilty!  Then if someone asks how one is doing over the other – can I answer this? Its sometimes quite scary and overwhelming.  I love my children with all my heart but scare that the bond I have with my little boy wont be there with the three girls.  This is purely down to the fact that I am fire fighting a lot of the day and I’m trying to spread myself so that all fires are put out.

It is not easy and even the most together and organised would struggle to keep this all a float.  I am realising that I am not perfect and sometimes I just need to ask for help – or a break!  This is where being a single mum of four gets really tricky.  Guilt is a terrible trait and I will do my best to not let it get to me.  Every once and a while you get a smile, a kiss or a hug from your kids and you realise all is not lost you’re doing a great job!